Date:	2003-10-27 21:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy
Music:	SR-71 - Tomorrow

Why do movies always steal what I'm thinking? In You've Got Mail, there's a line where Tom Hanks says, "Do you ever feel like you turn into the worst version of yourself?.....Hello! It's Mr. Nasty!" I wish that was my line. My mind has got to be thinking that 24/7. Tonight, as my mom and I were pulling out Vons, we started talking about Jason Mraz and change, after he sang the line "I just don't get enough to believe that we've both changed."

I've basically come to the realization that I hate change. I hate that I've changed, I wish I was the same simple minded, annoying person I was when I was fourteen. Atleast I didn't worry about what I was? I'll probably never forget when my friend Martin told me very bluntly that I had changed and in a few short words, that I was drag. It was months and months ago, but I hold on to things. I was so angry inside..I wanted to scream, "Oh, and you don't change?" I'm sorry to God, I'm sorry I changed. I'm sorry I can't find faith in anything except the things I can't reach.

I hate that I have my obsessions. I hate that I have an obsessive personality, I hate it just as much as my friends do, the ones that have to put up with me. I feel guilty for bugging them, I just wish they understood me better. I've felt like an annoying person for as long as I can remember, like I'm always going to be the way or someone is always going to be telling me to shut up.

I want to be poetic. I want to be smart. I want people to think I'm all those things. Maybe I want too much. I have this tendancy to bite off more then I can chew and then when I pitfall, the only one who's surprised is me. I miss last year, when I was a junior. I'm scared again of what lies ahead, when for so many weeks I thought I was so sure of myself. I feel so confused, I need a god damned slap in the face but I haven't gotten to that point yet.

I wish life was more simple.

Do go to my GREATESTJOURNAL and check out the pictures I grabbed off several places. New Orlando! :D

Just for the record, if you're on my friend's list and like my updates...i'm mostly posting there now.

Let's take a stroll down my boring life, eh? Oh by the way, now I'm Canadian. S'all good.

Today I got up at the butt crack of dawn to study and shit. No, not shit, I'm just saying..."shit" is a new pro-noun. Or noun. Or adverb. No, not adverb, because an adverb would be the action that supports the adjective. Or uhhhh. Forget it. I barely passed grammar anyway. Screw it, really.

ENYA IS SO PEACEFUL. My god! I love Lord of the Rings music...it's so...meditative. It just makes you want to light up and go "oooooooooohhmmmmmmmmm."

I'm very random today, as my mood says. I think its because I just had coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee. Or as, um, George of the Jungle would say -- "javajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajava." I love Starbucks. *huggles, wuvvles*

Err..sup?

I then went to independent study to turn in my hour and it took like an hour when it really takes around a half hour. This one girl held up the whole fuckin' time, no shit, she was hoggin the line! She was in the class I NEEDED to go to for TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES. That's a REALLY long time, okay? That's like...20 minutes longer then you're supposed to be in one class! I hate her, she's always thought she was the fuckin' shit. Mini-vent. So anyway, my teacher Mr. Holmien is all mad at me and shit cuz I got Simon and Garfunkle tickets. He kept offering me sodas, I think he was kissing my ass. Haha. Sorry, teach, but you can't go!!! I told him I'd fill him in on the concert and he was just like "Oh right, sure, yeah you do that" in the most deadpan voice, ROFL. I love my teachers, they're so normal.

My substitute teacher for California History and Psychology -- Mr. Heron, he's not really substitute, well, he is...but I had him in the 9th grade if I remember for science. So we go wayy back -- asked me if I had baked him any cookies and I told him no. I guess I was supposed to? rofl. And he was like "Well, did your mom?" and I said "I told her not to." And he went "okay, well I was just joking anyway...I figured she'd slip in Marajuana anyway and I'd be higher then a kite." I about rolled over on the floor laughing. So what if my mom is an ex-hippy?

That's my day. I should probably go jog off this damn Frappechino but it's sooo much effort. In the meantime I'm going to copy and paste these exact same updates in my Blurty and Livejournal. W00t.

Later,
-Anna

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 46% Average@Internet-User.com (41% - 60%) You seem to have a healthy balance in your life when it comes to the internet and life away from the computer. You know enough to do what you want online without looking like an idiot (most of the time). You even have your own Yahoo club or online journal! But you enjoy seeing your friends and going out to enjoy life away from your computer. The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

Date:	2003-10-15 10:44
Subject:	SQUEE!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy

Well, let's see what's happened since the last time I updated.

*cracks knuckles*

I got Jason Mraz tickets for November 9th! *runs around in a circle in squee mode* Can you say nosebleed seats? I don't even care, the tickets were only $20 each, so it's all good in the hood. So that was awesome, the morning after I got the tickets my mom bought tickets to Simon and Garfunkel! *DIES* and she's taking meeeee!! I was so stoked, I mean, it's only a week after my god damned Jason concert. Last night I dreampt I was going to the concert, but I only got so far as the entrance to the venue because it hit me I had forgot my binoculars. *GASP* Stupid, stupid me.

Something I just found out today. JEWEL is coming to the local Macullum, it's a small, local, pint sized theatre. #$()@#($)@#($)@#($)@#$(@)#$. I'm going thankyouverymuch! The tickets go on sale next Monday and I am going to diiiiie if I don't get floor seats. I just hope she sings her old stuff and not all corny new stuff. Ewwww if she doesn't. Seriously. I hate her new sound, I really do, it seems so not her, but maybe it is her. Either way, it's not doing much for me. I still want to see though, because it's local and why not?

That's all I know of what to say. I gotta go back to school. Talk to you later...

Bigger Teen People...plus Orlando in bed.

Date:	2003-09-30 21:46
Subject:	Endlessly
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	BBMak - Endlessly

I thought I was over BBMak. I guess not...I miss them more then anything. I'll always be confused why they broke up...I've accepted it, to be honest I'm not as sad as I thought I'd be...but lately, god.

Here's the song I'm listening to - really set me over the edge. Just fuckin' humour me, thanks.

( Endlessly )

I know it's not much of a song...but when you miss them, it is.

Date:	2003-09-21 00:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	Jason Mraz - On Love, In Sadness

My mom sent me this in an e-mail...I found it hilarious. You can actually read it!! Go ahead and try!

Birllaint Obsrevatoin...

Aoccdrnig to extnesvie rseeacrh conudcetd at Oxofrd Uinervtisy in Enlgnad, it deosn't raelly mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be in a toatl mses and you usulaly can sitll raed it wouthit much porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Jsut thnik a momnet abuot all the tmie you and I watesed laernnig how to splel wrods croreclty!

Time for a substantial update I guess.

Let's see. I started school. It's not so bad.

I'm just going to start this out plain and blunt...I cant believe John Ritter is dead. It's on AOL's front page and everytime I look at it I wanna cry cuz his face is always there big and smiling and healthy. I saw it at like 8:30 this morning and I was like "It's April 1st, it HAS to be. There's no way John Ritter is dead. They're pulling my leg."

I watched 8 Simple Rules the other day and all I kept noticing was noticing how good he looked, and I even said to my mom "You know for being on TV for so long he sure as hell doesn't seem screwed up." She agreed and told me not to say hell...which I guess was funny at the time. And of course Three's Company. WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's the fuckin point??? I'm not just talking about with John Ritter or Johnny Cash, I'm talking about my grand dads too, I'm talking bout my grandmas who are on the verge. :( All those celebrities who died this year...I'm talking about that. I'm talking about Lisa Lopes and Aaliyah and of course the one and only Mr. Gib. Why did John Lennon have to die. Why did George Harrison have to die. Why did that guy from Run DMC have to die. Why did BOB HOPE have to die. Why did Johnny Cash have to die. WHY DID THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TRADE CENTER HAVE TO DIE?! Is this God's way of getting back to people for their fucking sins??

I hate death. No, I don't accept death. People shouldn't die. People need to be down here for their loved ones. Someone dies...they're GONE. They're never coming back. They'll live again but they're not HERE. They're not here when I need a laugh or a song or just someone to admire from afar. They're almost like....*sighs* I dunno, I'll stop.

This started I guess when I found out he died. Not just cuz he died though...I just started thinking about death....and why it sucks. If my mommy were to die like that I'd probably lock myself in my room and cry for days.

Thanks, Jesus. GOD let's have 9/11 be the fucking day of deaths huh?!?!?!

( If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here )

Date:	2003-09-01 00:09
Subject:	End of the summer...
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful
Music:	Dar Williams - End of the Summer

The summer ends and we wonder where we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And you both look so young
And last night was hard, you said
You packed up every room
And then you cried and went to bed
But today you closed the door and said
"We have to get a move on.
It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead,
We push ourselves ahead."

And it was cloudy in the morning
And it rained as you drove away
And the same things looked different
It's the end of the summer
It's the end of the summer,
When you move to another place

And I feel like the neighbor's girl who will never be the same
She walked alone all spring,
She had a boyfriend when the summer came
And he gave her flowers in a lightning storm
They disappeared at night in green fields of silver corn
And sometime in July she just forgot that he was leaving
So when the fields were dying, she held on to his sleeves
She held on to his sleeves

And she doesn't want to let go
'Cause she won't know what she's up against
The classrooms and the smart girls
It's the end of the summer
It's the end of the summer
When you hang your flowers up to dry

And I had a dream it blows the autumn through my head
It felt like the first day of school
But I was going to the moon instead
And I walked down the hall
With the notebooks they got for me
My dad led me through the house
My mom drank instant coffee
And I knew that I would crash
But I didn't want to tell them
There are just some moments when your family makes sense
They just make sense

So I raised up my arms and my mother put the sweater on
We walked out on the dark and frozen grass
The end of the summer
It's the end of the summer
When you send your children to the moon

The summer ends and we wonder who we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And today I passed the high school, the river, the maple tree
I passed the farms that made it
Through the last days of the century
And I knew that I was going to learn again
Again, in this less hazy light
I saw the fields beyond the fields
The fields beyond the fields

And the colors are much brighter now
It's like they really want to tell the truth
We give our testimony to the end of the summer
It's the end of the summer,
You can spin the light to gold.

I'm working on a Johnny Depp layout for my personal domain swept-away.net. Weeee...

( Another survey. )

I guess the VMA's can be summed up with one thing.

My teacher just called and told me I start next Friday. That's two days later then i thought it would be but it's still so damn soon. It even feels sooner. I don't want to go, but I know I don't have a choice. Get this, I only have 3 real classes, lol, and then the other 3 or 4 are electives. It sucks cuz once you graduate those classes they dont let you graduate, you have to still take electives. And they're just classes like "english" "consumer math" and "senior studies." Stupid huh? Yeah.

But my English teacher IS hard. And I'm not looking forward to him, haha, and I hate my art teacher, if I take art that is...but I can't wait til I take digital photography :) with my new camera, it's going to be loads of fun! I can't believe I just said that, lol, oh well.

Senior year, here it comes.








*wanks off to the faucet*

Date:	2003-08-27 15:56
Subject:	Utterly devastated
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

Add the last couple days as one of the worst.

I got harrassed. Heh. Yeah...bloody harrassed, not much I know, but it's amazing how much it hurts. Some people can be so stupid.

You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Yesterday at the Official BBMak Message Board I stumbled upon this. I was instantly devastated and until Sam closed the topic it was somewhat of a war zone. I just...I don't know how to write my thoughts down where it'll come out right. I feel so alone, like no one likes me anymore, and I just feel like no one understands. I never wanted it to be like this...:(

I'm re-downloading PotC...Kimera who made all the captures of the entire movie taught me how, gotta love her. Aww...it's about 66% right now...I'm really anxious. It's taken forever. But it's all good.

( quiz time )

I really don't have much to say. It's been a weird night. I've talked with a couple people on my friend's list via AIM, and everyone was really awesome, extremely nice ;)

I'm going to be a senior soon. Wow. Senior. I know to most people who have graduated that means nothing, but didn't you before you graduate feel a little, I don't know, fear? I feel like the only one in the universe who isn't ready. I guess it's not as big as college..but college, wow.

My mom told me it feels as long as high school. High school went by damn fast. Am I ready for this?

( Long ass survey )

I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm hungry. And I'm the first admit when I just....don't care about something.

Roleplay is becoming such a bore. I dunno why, it just is. And Martin is leaving, I know me and him will still talk, but it wont be the same. School is starting and I'm really emo about that. I don't WANT to grow up. You know what it feels like to be a senior? It's scary. It feels so final but at the same time a new beginning, if that makes sense? But I don't want to change. I don't want to graduate. I miss being five years old in kindergarten, digging my fingers in the dirt and not even knowing how good I had it. You really don't know how good you had it until you're not experiencing it anymore. And you know you can never take it back. That's what hurts.

I wish my life wasn't so complex at times, but then at other times it feels too simple. I wish I had a better relationship with my father, I wish I wasn't so self-centered, I really wish I could just be normal. Everytime I'm not like this I know it's going to creep about the corner for no reason. Absolutely no reason. I wish I was respected more but everytime I say I'm not a child they (they meaning my dad) shoot the "NOT A CHILD, GET A JOB, ACT LIKE AN ADULT!" at me. Why the hell does that make a difference? I swear to God I thought as people we could have freedome of speech, no matter what we do or don't do. I just want some voice. I don't think I'm asking much. I'm a fucking human being, not a little girl.

I think that's my random emo-ness for the time being.

In the meantime, let's look at some beautiful men.

( hehehehe )

*dies* see ya...

Take The Are You Obsessed With Pirates Of The Caribbean? Test.

Alright. I had to. I am a quiz whore now by the way...